How I’m Healing My Loneliness:

5 things I am doing to feel less alone and more connected to me.

I remember getting into constant arguments with my ex-partner, explaining to him that even though we were in a relationship…even though we lived together…even though he was around… I always felt alone.

My issues with my own loneliness overwhelmed me. I would hang out with friends or in a crowd but felt uninvolved, excluded, or in my own head.

Loneliness followed me to new towns, new jobs, new relationships, and wherever I went.

Then…lockdowns began. The first two days of the shutdown in 2020, I went into panic mode. How can life get more lonely than this? Not only will I feel alone and bored, I have no choice but to sit here with myself and my thoughts.

My biggest fear of more alone time actually forced me to asked some questions. Is it really my partner making me feel alone? How could I possibly feel alone in a crowd? Why am I blaming others for my internal experience? Why am I angry at my friends for making me feel this way.

Ouch. That was a hard pill to swallow…no one was making me feel anything.

In truth: My loneliness was deep-seated unfulfillment. My loneliness was actually a realization that I had created that reality for myself. I wasn't alone in that relationship, it was just the wrong one. I wasn't alone when surrounded by people, the event I chose to go to just wasn't lighting me up. It wasn't that I had no friends, I just wasn't friends with myself.

During the shutdown, I started taking long walks in my neighborhood…like really long walks. I was listening to book after book on audible and having intense & overwhelming daily realizations. Here are some that got me quite far in this journey:

1. Get out of your victim mentality. I had spent a lot of my life in victim mode. I wanted to be a devoted spiritual person with a yoga practice, a garden, a meditation practice, a perfect body, a job with passive income, a big travel itinerary, etc. because that is what I saw on Instagram and youtube and found every reason in the book to justify why that wasn't my life. Except for the one reason that mattered most: Are you ACTUALLY doing it? Or are you doing daily ego-driven practices to portray something that isn't? Do you even enjoy this? Does this feel good and true to who you are?

It was time to get a daily practice that made sense for me and my life. That did not mimic someone else's life. That didn't try to prove anything to anyone or impress anyone. One that was achievable and enjoyable. One that I did regardless of judgment and that really filled my cup. Holy shit! When you stop mimicking the lives of others to get to where you want to go, you feel a lot less lonely.

Getting out of victim mentality helps you escape the constant comparison that is living in this modern world. Living without attachment to my upbringing or my sad stories helped me formed new stories that I was proud of and could authentically and uniquely share. No more imposter syndrome and a lot more time creating and diving deep into things I actually liked. This helped me combat loneliness tremendously. All of a sudden I was BUSY!

2. Once you allow your intuition to guide your life and your interests instead of what you think you might like doing from Youtube or Instagram — you will want to set aside time for it every day. Flowstate and passion projects kill so much time…you will hardly feel lonely.

3. Pre-paving or Segment Intention Setting: I learned this from Abraham Hick’s teachings and it really works! I set intentions for how I want certain events to go, dinners, workouts, meetings, days at work, and more. I started assuming and intending for things to be fun, interesting, full of conversation, thought-provoking, full of laughter, and more. Truly, my interactions started to get better and better. I started to come home feeling fulfilled instead of feeling down that I may have wasted time or that there was more for me out there. Or that I should've just stayed home to rest or do nothing.

4. Realizing it’s no one's fault that you feel lonely. You can’t rely on others to fill your cup or make you happy or anything of that sort, so why would it be someone else's responsibility to make you feel less alone? Everyone is doing the best they can from the level of consciousness they are currently operating at, you can’t blame them for not reading your mind or knowing the best way to soothe your loneliness.

Start going for drives and listening to your favorite music, invest in books that you know you will love, go for walks, go for a swim, take up some form of art even if you suck at first. Whatever you need to do to be your own best friend and motivator and stop blaming others for how you feel.

4.5 Stop waiting for others to do the fun things you want to do. Go alone. Stop waiting for someone to take the trip, do the hike, go to the concert, visit the art gallery, see the movie, try the restaurant. This has been more fulfilling than anything and keeps me really busy and happy. It’s fun and doesn't feel lonely at all — because these are the things I want to do and got tired of waiting on others to join.

5. Your life is a never-ending journey that is going to have ups and downs of extreme business and extreme nothingness: Maybe its time to embrace the dull moments and take them as bouts of rest, meditations, alone time you may not get for a while, time to perfect a recipe or explore your interests. Begin to view alone time as sacred and start to appreciate it and cherish it.

Trust and know, it’s okay to be alone but you don’t have to be lonely. This can be a special time to really get to know and connect with yourself. If you feel that this alone time is leading to mental distress or deeper issues, always reach out for help.